


Simply Complicated

by sarangx



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Coming Out, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pansexual Character, Polyamory, roommates jiseung, seungmin going into a gay panic: the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-22 09:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17056820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarangx/pseuds/sarangx
Summary: Seungmin is a simple boy, really: he’s a freshman in college after somehow acquiring his high school diploma, has a few close friends, has a good family even though it’s small, and is struggling with his undying love for his two best friends. Wait. Shit. That last one’s not so simple.It also doesn’t help that he’s a closeted polyamarous pansexual and he’s been hiding his major from everyone he knows. Maybe Seungmin is not as simple as he makes himself out to be.





	Simply Complicated

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neptune8135](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neptune8135/gifts).



> listen to the [playlist](http://open.spotify.com/user/cheetotwirl/playlist/1xeIvbrvMsPtdmfH9GGOjI?si=csx0rNEiThaxqe1Cmy5Q6w)!
> 
> this is rated teen due to a lot of cussing, but that's pretty much it! though, there is a mention of an eating disorder but it's not very graphic, so it should be fine.
> 
> anyway, this is basically me projecting my procrastination and full heart onto poor seungmin. hope you enjoy! (and happy holidays!)
> 
> xx

Seungmin hadn’t meant for things to get so complicated. Really, he hadn’t! He was just a bit of a procrastinator and things moved faster than he’d liked. He swore he was going to tell his family and friends everything, but then he was suddenly in his college dorm room long after his graduation ceremony.

At the time, he realized he had forgotten to mention his major to anyone. Though they all kept pestering him about it, he had remained adamant on staying quiet. Fashion design wasn’t something Seungmin had really shown interest in around people, and it was possible that they wouldn’t agree with his choice of career. It was a stupid insecurity, he knew, but it was an insecurity nonetheless and it caused him to shy away from exposing himself.

If that wasn’t enough to stress him out, there was also the dark reminder that he was in love with not one best friend, but two. And they were in a relationship. Changbin and Hyunjin had been dating since Changbin’s freshman year in college, and that was a solid year ago. They were still in a stable relationship—without Seungmin in it. He was endlessly yearning for their love, but he’d never admit that. He still hadn’t come out as either poly nor pansexual so he was doomed anyway.

Seungmin had been planning on explaining all of this after his graduation, but he never got the chance to. His dad kept talking his ear off about his own college experience, and both Changbin and Hyunjin had left after eating half of Seungmin’s cake and making out in front of him. (They shared some sentiments, too, but it wasn’t that long of a chat before Seungmin was too flustered to continue it. Maybe that’s when he should’ve come clean, but that’s in the past now and all he can do is wallow in self-pity.)

Two days later, he’s sitting in the west wing of Seoul University’s arts dorm. No one but his roommate, Han Jisung, knew of his major. Only Seungmin himself knew his own sexuality and his crushes.

It wasn’t until halfway through the year that things started becoming even more complicated.

❦

The minute Seungmin woke up, he knew it was about to be a terrible day.

Sunlight was unabashedly shining into his eyes and painted his world bright orange through his eyelids. His entire face scrunched up as he slowly came to consciousness. He rolled over with a groan, sighing heavily when the sunlight fell over his cheek instead. After a moment of hesitating, he forced himself up into a sitting position.

“You look like shit,” Jisung spoke up helpfully. He was sprawled out on the carpeted floor of their shared room, flicking through a textbook as he took notes on notebook paper.

“Fuck off,” Seungmin growled out as he climbed out of the mass of blankets. He ran a hand through his tangled hair and huffed when he entered the bathroom and saw himself in the mirror.

When he felt the urge to vomit just at the sight of himself, Seungmin knew it was gonna be one of those days.

He had had a mild eating disorder in the past—one that he quickly grew tired of, reaching out for cognitive therapy just four months after having struggled with dieting and starving himself. He knew he was one of the weaker cases, but he’s kind of glad he was. Even though it was hard to change how he thought, it was easier than it would be for others to get back into a more positive mindset. Despite that, though, he still had days where he’d like to break every single mirror he’d see.

When his stomach convulsed painfully, he winced and sucked in a deep breath. One of the worse days, then, he figured.

Before he could wallow in his self-pity any longer, Seungmin quickly washed up and tried to ignore the pain in his abdomen. It worked for a bit—long enough for him to make his way out of the bathroom—but the discomfort started coming in stronger waves. The pain began making him dizzy, so he haphazardly stumbled to the couch in the dorm’s small living room. He couldn’t face Jisung like this since he didn’t know of Seungmin’s previous illness.

The stomach pains had started about a month after Seungmin had started going to therapy. He was eating a bit better, but the convulsions had started to turn him away from food again. He talked to his therapist, and she had told him it was common for some patients to feel false pain after the traumas the disorder had caused to his stomach. She couldn’t really do much since it was just pain that Seungmin’s mind made up.

Fortunately, as his path to recovery continued, the stomach pains had lessened. That didn’t mean they completely went away, though.

“Seungminnie? What are you doing? We have Lit in like twenty minutes.” Jisung had walked out of their room, fully dressed in a white shirt that flowed down to his thighs and over his black skinny jeans, his outfit overall accompanied by both an unzipped blue jacket and his converse.

Seungmin would have fallen into a gay panic if his stomach wasn’t trying to eat itself.

“Just feeling a little sick. You can go ahead, Jisungie,” he replied quietly, not looking away from the black TV screen. He squeezed his eyes shut again when another tidal wave of pain washed over him, causing him to curl in on himself a bit more.

“Are you sure? You seem kinda pale,” Jisung said worriedly, walking over to crouch beside the sofa to take a look at his pallid roommate.

“Jisung, I’m _fine_ , okay?” Seungmin grumbled, picking up his head to glance at the other sternly. “You still need to go get breakfast before walking all the way over to Professor Lee’s class. You’ll be late at the rate you’re going.”

Jisung hesitated, still extremely concerned but also conflicted now. He seemed to finally reach an agreement inside his head, though, as he relented with a frown on his face. He told Seungmin to rest up and that he’d let him copy all of his notes when he came back. Then he was gone.

Seungmin only felt a little relieved. While he did want to only keep this vulnerable side of him to himself, he also couldn’t help but want to be coddled whenever he felt sick. It was something he hated about himself.

As he wallowed pitifully in his pain and misery, he didn’t notice all the minutes ticking by. He didn’t bother going to look for his phone, either, since his body felt frozen and he truly couldn’t even imagine getting up. He felt drowsy and dizzy and lightheaded all at once and he knew if he stood up, it’d make everything worse.

He wasn’t sure if he fell asleep or if he just dozed, but either way, he was woken up by knocking on the door. He languidly rubbed his eyes and grumbled nonsense to himself as he forced his stiff limbs to work. Somehow he had managed to get to the door and open it, all while his thoughts were muddled and unclear.

“Seungminnie, you look awful!” Hyunjin’s voice entered his ears unexpectedly, causing him to open his eyes wider and for him to jolt back into clear consciousness at full throttle.

“Ah, hyung?” Seungmin mumbled tiredly, his words slurred. He blinked slowly. “What are you doing here?”

“ _What am I doing here_? To take care of you of course!” Hyunjin said brightly, grinning like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It probably was, but to an out-of-it Seungmin, it very much wasn’t.

“I’m here, too,” Changbin huffed out from behind Hyunjin, a grimace on his face due to how tall the younger was. He turned to give a small smile to Seungmin. “Jisung-ah told us you weren’t feeling well, so we came over.”

 _Han Jisung, the blabbermouth_ , Seungmin thought with a frown. He sighed and looked at his two best friends and even through the ever-present pain in his gut, he felt warmth fill his heart at just the sight of them. He was truly fucked.

“Listen, you know Jisung, he exaggerates a lot,” he began, still holding onto the doorknob. “I’m really okay, just—” he was cut off by an extremely untimely wave of complete agony driving through his entire being. Fuck being dramatic, that shit hurt.

“Holy shit, Seungmin, you are absolutely not okay,” Hyunjin said with a horrified frown, walking over to grab for Seungmin’s arms. The older boy carefully guided Seungmin to the sofa again, Changbin in tow.

Seungmin had no choice but to comply, his stomach trying to devour itself from inside of him, leaving him convulsing and with closed eyes. He pulled his knees up to his chest to try and feel small; anything to lessen the pain. He exhaled a heavy breath through his nose in an attempt to remind himself to breathe.

“Seungmin-ah, what’s wrong? Where does it hurt?” Changbin asked frantically as Hyunjin bit his nails anxiously.

“Don’t worry about it,” Seungmin whispered, but his eyes stayed shut as his body trembled. “It’s just in—” a heavy breath, “—in my head.”

“Are- are you sure?” Hyunjin questioned skeptically, disbelief in his voice as he asked for confirmation.

“Yes!” Seungmin practically shouted, glaring a bit at his two best friends as he picked his head up. “This happens sometimes. It’ll be gone by tomorrow.”

“We’re still gonna stay, Seungmin-ah,” Changbin murmured after a minute of silence passed. He had a frown on his face and his eyes were flitting from Seungmin to Hyunjin with concern.

Seungmin stared at him for a moment before his eyes locked onto Hyunjin, too. He reasoned to himself that there was no way out of this and that he had no choice but to concede. So hesitantly—but not really reluctant—he reached for Hyunjin’s hand and held it. He shyly looked away to avoid eye contact.

“Aw, Seungminnie~” the older cooed, gripping Seungmin’s hand with both of his own. Changbin decided to clamber onto the couch beside him, draping his entire body over the younger boy.

“We’ll cuddle you better, okay?” Changbin said with a grin, and wrapped his arms around Seungmin’s neck while setting his chin on the other’s shoulder.

And well, as Hyunjin inched closer, maybe Seungmin’s heart beat faster than ever before. Perhaps the blush on his cheeks couldn’t be blamed on the pain in his stomach, and the sudden loss of words couldn’t be, either.

The only reason was love—and he had so much of it.

 

Seungmin didn’t really consider himself a romantic. He was pretty nonchalant about most things, and he usually got flustered way before acting on anything. He supposed all the time spent with a couple, though, really rubbed off on him.

Changbin and Hyunjin weren’t too big on PDA, but the subtle looks they sent each other and the shy tug of hands were still very much apparent to Seungmin. At first, he felt jealous because he wanted to be apart of that—of a relationship. But then he gradually began realizing he wanted to be apart of _their_ relationship, and shit, that wasn’t allowed, was it?

He struggled a lot with coming to terms with the fact he was just a bit in love with his two best friends. He was still jealous, but it was the kind of jealousy that was sadder, more muted; the kind of jealousy that was tinged blue instead of an angry green. It festered in waves instead of flames, filling every one of his pores to the brim in tones of a sickly sea green. It was completely and utterly suffocating, and he wondered if there’d ever be a time where his heart would stop trying to burst from his ribcage at just seeing Changbin and Hyunjin smile.

All of it was so out of character for him, he knew—so unexpected, so he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. He couldn’t imagine himself actually confessing to them since he felt he had no chance at all. They were perfectly happy with each other, and in Seungmin’s eyes, they didn’t need him to change anything.

He knew that, and he told himself that, but why did it hurt so much? It felt like tiny knives slicing through his heart every time he remembered how content they were with each other and not with him included.

“How long are you gonna be staring at your sketch?” Jisung asked, finally breaking Seungmin out of his thoughts. “I thought you finished it like ten minutes ago.”

“I did. This is a new one,” Seungmin said absentmindedly as he continued to stare at the page in front of him. It was an outfit he’d seen Changbin wear before: black bucket hat, oversized tee, and some pants with zippers. The only difference was that Seungmin had drawn it on Hyunjin, and maybe that was what was causing his heart to beat erratically.

“Oh, let me see!” Jisung exclaimed with a big smile, leaning sideways to try and steal a glimpse of Seungmin’s work. Unfortunately for him, the book was swiftly slammed closed.

“You know I don’t like people seeing my stuff, Jisung,” the younger grumbled, turning to snatch his backpack from the ground. He carefully placed the sketchbook into the biggest pocket and right next to a few labeled folders.

“Yeah, yeah,” the blonde sighed before pouting. “But I’m your roommate! I live with you! Please, Seungminnie?”

“No.”

“You’re no fun,” he huffed, slumping in his seat while crossing his arms.

Seungmin ignored him and chose to leaf through the folders in his backpack. He finally found his Korean one after deciding he should finish up the assignment instead of drawing his best friends slash crushes.

“You’re seriously about to write about the old general of Joseon when it isn’t even due until next week?”

“Yes, Jisung, I am,” he shot back icily, “because I actually do my work unlike you.”

“Man, bringing up my bad semester rep again?” Jisung said with disappointment. He shook his head in fake-sadness. “That’s low, Seungminnie, that’s low.”

Seungmin chose to ignore him again as he focused on skimming through the information packets, each page flying by as he mouthed the words to himself idly. He failed to realize Jisung was reaching for his sketchbook from the backpack he forgot to zip up.

“Wow, Seungminnie, your models look awfully familiar,” the composition major commented with a smirk as he flipped through the pages as though he were reading a magazine.

“What-? Han Jisung!” Seungmin fumed, his ears lighting up a bright pink as he reached for the sketchbook, but it was proved futile when Jisung just leaned back a bit. “Give that back, you fucking swine or I’ll chop off that hair of yours that you love so much!” He whisper-shouted in an attempt to display his anger but not to attract attention. His eyes were narrowed and a frown pulled at his lips.

“Calm down, Seungminnie,” Jisung soothed, but it wasn’t very effective considering the snarky glint in his eye and how half of his mouth was perked up in an arrogant smile. “I won’t show it to them. . .unless you want me to?”

The thought alone scared Seungmin half to death. Imagining the disgust and the repulsion on their faces, the horror in their eyes as they realized their dearest friend would have feelings for both of them like some kind of greedy fuckboy. They’d surely break off any sort of ties with him, would try and distance themselves as much as possible—all to make sure Seungmin wouldn’t touch them or try and poison them because he’s broken, he knows, but he can’t help it! Though he knows they wouldn’t listen, and they might think he’d try and split them up. They’d hate him, definitely, and he couldn’t afford to lose them. . .he really couldn’t because then— then. . .

“Seungmin?”

He hadn’t realized how his breathing had become labored or how Jisung was now looking at him with concern. Some other students glanced at him in curiosity, but most of them didn’t pay him any mind. Fortunately, no one chose to act on anything.

Seungmin said nothing and unsteadily rose to his feet. His world blurred but he pushed past it in favor of clumsily sweeping everything off of his desk and into his backpack. His hands trembled when he snatched the sketchbook from Jisung’s grasp, and despite his roommate’s inquiries, he turned a deaf ear to them and rushed out of the classroom.

“Seungmin? Seungmin, hey!” Jisung called after him as he walked down the hall on faulty legs that made him feel like he’d collapse. He managed to make it to the threshold of an unused classroom before he finally fell to the ground, his breathing still irregular and causing his brain to resort to mush.

“Seungmin! What happened? Was it what I said?” Jisung blubbered when he sprinted up to Seungmin’s fallen form. “I’m sorry. I really won’t show it to them.”

“They’ll hate me if they find out,” Seungmin murmured, his words slightly slurred due to the breaths he repeatedly took. His eyes were unfocused as he looked at something no one else could see. His heart thrummed to the beat of unsure questions and proclaimed assumptions inside his head.

“Why would they hate you for that? All you did was draw them in outfits for your major.” Jisung—pure, naïve Jisung—didn’t get it. And maybe that should’ve comforted Seungmin in a way; that no, it wasn’t really obvious how much he adored his taken best friends. But the reality is that it didn’t. If anything, it frustrated him because goddammit, why couldn’t someone else know? Why did he have to carry the burden of a secret heavy as this? It felt like he was wasting away with the hushed truths of his heart crushing his entire body from the inside out, telling him, _you love them! You love them! You love them!_

“I’m so in love with them it’s disgusting,” Seungmin voiced quietly. In his head, he had pictured himself screaming it: _I fucking love them with everything I have, and no one knows! Not even you!_ But he supposed everything really was slower outside of his brain.

“Oh,” Jisung said. Then, with a sudden realization: “ _Oh_. Shit.” He scrambled over to sit beside Seungmin, sputtering as he tried to find words. “Well, I mean, it’s not obvious. No one in our friend group really sees you like that, so. . .”

“Jisung, you’re not helping.”

“Well, okay, listen,” Jisung panicked a bit, turning to face the other. “It’s not a lost cause! You still have a chance with them.”

“They’re my best friends,” Seungmin deadpanned, “and they’re together. Have been for over a year and they’re fine.”

“Yes, I know that, and I know you’re a bit, uh,” the blonde paused, moving his hand, “discouraged about that. But! I’m sure there’s still hope for you. I can feel it in my veins!”

“Right,” Seungmin replied with little belief.

“Seungmin,” Jisung said seriously, ducking his head to meet the younger’s downcast gaze, “it’ll be fine. And I promise I won’t tell anybody until you say I can, okay?” He gently poked Seungmin’s cheek and smiled softly.

The brunet looked up a bit and gave a half-smile that—while small—was indeed genuine. He then took a deep breath to calm the last bit of his frazzled nerves.

“Okay,” he muttered as he played with his fingers.

“Now let’s skip and get ice cream!”

 

After Jisung found out, the atmosphere changed at their dorm. It wasn’t bad, just different, and Seungmin didn’t know what to think of it.

They were definitely closer than before. They shared each other’s cookies instead of keeping it to themselves and glaring like wolves if the other tried to snatch one. They set a more relaxed, practiced rhythm that didn’t put either of them at risk of being late to class.

Seungmin wanted to say it was because both of them put in a bit more effort, but he knew that the past tense air was due to how emotionally constipated he was. He was too busy drowning in his own thoughts to properly open up to the bright and chittery Jisung, but now that he had, things were far more peaceful.

“Okay, so I know the whole crush thing is pretty taboo, but your _major_?” Jisung was saying, his words muffled as he spat white toothpaste spittle all over the place as he brushed his teeth from the doorway to the bathroom. He took the toothbrush from his teeth and held it in his palm, the tip pointing upward. “Seriously, Seungmin, what the hell? Do you even trust them?”

The boy in question had the decency to look guilty. He fumbled with his fingers as they laid in his lap and chose not to look at Jisung. Once again, he couldn’t make eye contact during a conversation like this.

“I do trust them! It’s just. . .” _Hard. Scary. Nerve-wracking_. “I don’t know,” he settled on quietly, too timid to voice his thoughts.

“Seungmin,” Jisung huffed in exasperation, though there was a softness that eased Seungmin a bit. “You’re so difficult, I swear,” the blonde muttered mostly to himself. “Listen, it’ll be fine! What’s the big deal about fashion? I think it’s pretty cool, and I’m in the same major as Binnie hyung!”

“I dunno, I just. . .” Seungmin fumbled over his words again in an attempt to find the right ones. He stole a quick glance at his roommate before returning his gaze to his fingers. “I just got called some things when I showed my friend an outfit I designed back in freshman high.” His voice grew quieter. “It’s probably nothing.”

“Hey, whatever they called you, it was wrong,” Jisung declared confidently as his mouth frothed, raising his toothbrush to point it at the younger boy. “‘Cause you’re my Seungminnie who’s super talented! I’m lucky to have you as a roommate!”

Seungmin looked at him dubiously, blinking slowly as he registered what was being said to him. His cheeks gradually colored as he understood the words, and a sheepish chuckle slipped through his lips.

“Jisung, please—” he started, but was quickly cut off.

“And since you are Kim Seungmin you can do this!” Jisung exclaimed with a wide grin as white toothpaste dripped from his mouth. His toothbrush pointed to the ceiling to emphasize his point.

“If I tell them what I major in, will you clean up your mess?” Seungmin relented, albeit amusedly.

“Yes!”

“Okay, fine, then I’ll tell them when we go out into town on Saturday,” Seungmin promised. He figured it was about time, anyway.

As Jisung cheered from inside the bathroom, Seungmin’s anxiety levels grew higher when he realized what he’d agreed to. But part of him knew it was for the best; he just hoped he wouldn’t wimp out in the middle of it. 

 

He was wimping out in the middle of it.

Really, he was planning on telling them, but then Changbin started complaining about an annoying girl that majored in fashion design, and suddenly all the confidence left Seungmin. 

“Seriously, Misun kept bugging Hyunjin to model for her. Even after he said no like a million times!” Changbin had been ranting for a solid ten minutes about this certain Kim Misun, and apparently she had been enamored with Hyunjin’s looks—as most people were—and she had been extremely persistent about getting him to model for her final project. Personally, Seungmin knew her struggle since their professor loved good-looking models in equally good-looking clothes. That didn’t mean he agreed with her technique, though.

“I guess some people just can’t resist my charms,” Hyunjin joked to try and lighten the atmosphere. He fluttered his eyelashes at both Seungmin and Changbin before laughing a bit.

After one last irritated huff, Changbin turned to Seungmin. “Anyway, sorry, Seungmin. What were you gonna tell us?” 

It felt like ice water was dumped over him at the question. He shrank back a bit and gave a nervous smile that twitched at the edges. His fingers shook and fumbled under the table they were sitting at, and his throat felt oddly constricted as he tried to search his mind to finally say the words he’d been meaning to say for months.

“Uh, well,” he started awkwardly, “maybe this- this can wait another time actually.” He looked away.

Damn his procrastination. 

“Aw, come on! Just say it!” Hyunjin urged with an eye-smile, causing Seungmin’s heart to flip and for his brain to flatline for a moment. 

“You have to promise not to make fun of me,” he mumbled, but it was loud enough for his best friends to hear. They looked confused for a second. 

“Sure, sure. Whatever,” Changbin agreed with a wave of his hand. He leaned forward with Hyunjin and they stared at him expectantly.

Instead of saying anything, though—because there was no possible way Seungmin could utter a single word with how much anxiety was clogging his throat—he sifted through the bag he brought and pulled out his fashion design notebook with all of his notes and some of his sketches. He nervously slid it in front of the two boys.

“This is, um, this is what I major in,” Seungmin admitted quietly, looking down at his lap after he had set down the notebook.

There was silence for a long moment as the couple processed the news. Then Hyunjin looked up from reading the front cover and gave a gentle smile while Changbin curiously leafed through the book.

“You’re a fashion design major, then?”

“I- uh, yeah,” Seungmin confirmed with a nod, his lips quivering a bit as he tried to smile.

“Ah, this is so cool!” Changbin exclaimed as he turned to a page showing one of Seungmin’s favorite designs; it was supposed to be under the theme of rainy day weather. It was composed of a pretty forest green dress with a dark grey pull-over and black leggings that dipped into shiny stilettos. The faceless figure that wore the outfit had a black umbrella and a brown leather bag hanging from her side and above her hip. Scribbles of raindrops finished it off.

“Ah, thanks. . .” Seungmin said shyly, chuckling a bit.

“Oh! Wasn’t that hung up in the bulletin board of the arts building?” Hyunjin commented after he studied the design. He looked back up at the younger boy with bright eyes. “It’s a super nice outfit! I really like it.” 

“Yeah,” Changbin said with a nod and a grin. “You’re so talented. I hope you weren’t gonna tell us just because of Misun, though.”

“It’s fine, hyung,” Seungmin assured with a soft smile. “I’m just glad you don’t think it’s dumb.” 

“Of course not!” Hyunjin said loudly, almost looking offended. A few other people in the cafe looked over but otherwise didn’t do much.

“I thought you knew we weren’t those kinds of people,” Changbin added with a frown. 

“I know,” Seungmin replied quickly, panicked a bit. “Just, you know, anxiety.”

“Well, Seungminnie, if you ever need me to model for you, just text me! I’d love some new clothes made by you.” Hyunjin grinned and his eyes curled into crescents again, looking like Seungmin’s definition of perfection and ultimately causing his cheeks to flush pink.

_Half of my sketchbook is literally you,_  he wanted to say, _and the other half is your boyfriend. You have no clue how much I think about you in my designs._ Instead of speaking up and embarrassing himself, however, Seungmin wisely decided to simply laugh and nod.

How long until he no longer had to do that, though, was beyond him. He chose not to think about it and thought Changbin’s pretty eyes and Hyunjin’s pretty smile were much better things to ponder over.

“Will you let us see all your designs?” Changbin asked curiously with his chin propped up on his palm. “You probably have a sketchbook, right?” 

“Yes! Yes! Show us your pretty outfits!” Hyunjin chirped excitedly, clapping his hands together as his eyes sparkled.

Once again, Seungmin was reminded of how royally fucked he was for these two. 

“Well. . .I don’t have my sketchbook with me,” he sputtered. He nervously scratched the back of his neck and purposely looked away from the couple. He usually always had the sketchbook with him in case of a sudden creative burst, but he hadn’t wanted to risk the chance of them finding out he was drawing them, so he left it at his dorm room.

“Where is it then? Is it in your dorm? We can just go there and see,” Hyunjin suggested. From the way he practically vibrated in his seat with enthusiasm, Seungmin figured he was set on seeing what else he had created. Now he was regretting telling them his major for an entirely different reason than he first thought.  

“Yeah, you don’t mind, right, Seungminnie?” Changbin questioned, but it didn’t really sound like one all that much. The youngest of the trio didn’t have much of a choice as both of his best friends stood up from their seats. They didn’t seem to notice his mental turmoil since they were heading for the entrance of the cafe, leaving him to swiftly follow suit.

It only took them about ten minutes to make the walk to Seoul University’s arts dorm. But during that short span of time, Seungmin was silently losing his shit over how his crushes were going to see themselves in a sketchbook owned by Kim Seungmin, their best friend. They were going to see how many sketches there were of them—approximately one-hundred and thirty-two last time Seungmin checked—and they’d realize that yes, their most trusted friend was a flaming homosexual for not one of them, but _both_ of them, and they'd draw their own conclusions that would jeopardize their friendship with him. Seungmin was fucked; very, very fucked and he hoped they didn’t see how much of a wreck he was as they passed through the main floor of the dormitory. He was only shaking and sweating a little—an improvement from the literal panic attack he had in front of Jisung.

“What floor was it again? Three?” Changbin asked, glancing at Seungmin.

“Uh,” he stuttered as his brain short-circuited, “yes, hyung. Three floor.” Shit. That wasn’t proper grammar.

“Why are you talking in English?” 

Fuck. It wasn’t the proper language, either. 

“Sorry, it just slipped out,” he said with a laugh. He was seconds away from a mental breakdown.

Changbin and Hyunjin shared a puzzled look but shrugged and continued on to the elevator. After a few minutes of standing inside and waiting next to a red-eyed junior named Minho, the doors slid open once the telltale ding resounded. Seungmin was still sweating and trying not to collapse in pure anxiety.

He forgot Jisung was still in their dorm, but remembered when he came to the door after Hyunjin’s knock. The blonde was rubbing at his eyes as he let the three of them in. He raised an eyebrow at Seungmin after the couple entered, but all Seungmin could do was shrug helplessly.

“Go get ‘em, tiger,” Jisung whispered to him and patted his back before disappearing into the kitchen.

Seungmin wanted to say that he was not getting anyone and that he was not, in fact, a furry, but Jisung was already gone before he could. Plus his head was a bit of a mess right now and he couldn’t find the right words anyway. 

He followed behind Changbin and Hyunjin as they walked into his room. While Hyunjin made himself at home in Seungmin’s bed, Changbin decided to sit on the floor beside the other’s legs. The two looked at Seungmin.

“Okay, so, like,” he stammered with a tense smile, “don’t get freaked out by what you see. It’s the creative vision, you know?” He wasn’t even sure what he was spewing out as he pulled out his precious sketchbook from the drawer along his bedside table. “It can be interpreted in many ways. It’s all about perspective—” he was cut off as Changbin grabbed it from his hands.

“For God’s sake, why are you—?” Changbin paused after he opened up the first page. “Oh.” Hyunjin’s eyes were glued onto it, too, both with shocked expressions.

The first thing Seungmin had ever drawn in that sketchbook was all three of them together. He didn’t usually draw himself in anything, but it had been White Day and he was sick and tired of his father asking him about a girlfriend. It was back when Changbin and Hyunjin had just gotten together, and Seungmin was feeling a little too lovesick with how cute they were. It was when that blue jealousy hadn’t hit him yet, and he was just happy they were happy.

The picture he’d drawn was a rendition of a selfie he’d taken with the two of them kissing behind him. He was pulling a peace sign and a huge grin as the couple had gently pecked each other on the lips with soft smiles. It wasn’t colored, but it had a bit of shading with the words “White Day With You” and two hearts. It wasn’t for an assignment, and it wasn’t to draw out his ideas, but it was to remember how bright of a day March fourteenth was for all three of them.

As the couple marveled over the drawing, Seungmin stared at it wistfully a few meters away with tears finally dripping from his eyes. They fell from his cheeks soundlessly and he didn’t bother wiping them away. His heart felt too full, and his throat was sore, and the love was just a bit too much for his body to contain anymore.

Hyunjin was the first to notice.

“Seungminnie?” he asked softly. “It’s okay. Don’t cry.”

“It’s too late now, hyung,” Seungmin sniffled. “And now y-you both hate me.” He looked down at the marks in his palms left by his nails when he’d clenched his fists. He didn’t remember it happening, though.

“What are you on about?” Changbin scolded gently, his dark eyes kind as he looked at Seungmin. He reached for the younger boy and carefully set him beside him. Hyunjin pat his head from his place above them. “We could never hate you.”

“But- but you’re together and I shouldn’t. . .” Seungmin took a deep breath as his voice shook. “I shouldn’t love you two like- like I do,” he murmured, pulling his knees up to his chest and setting his gaze on a ball of crumpled paper left on the floor. “I shouldn’t want to hold your hands or cuddle with you or have dates with you or kiss you,” and then, quieter, “the both of you.”

He supposed that did take a bit of weight off of his shoulders. He had double the love as most people did, after all, and it had been building for not just months, but years, and finally he had released just a portion of that love to his best friends and crushes. It wasn’t even all of what he had to show, but the admission had at least taken off the edge.

“Seungmin-ah,” Changbin called in the softest voice he’d ever heard. “It’s okay. What you’re feeling is okay.” His palms grasped Seungmin’s cheeks and forced his eyes to look wildly at him. Changbin wiped away his tears.

“You’re valid, Seungminnie,” Hyunjin agreed, his hands combing through the other’s hair soothingly. “We love you, too, okay? There’s no need to cry anymore.”

But at those words, there was _every_ need to cry. Because one of the loves of Seungmin’s life had just said he loved him and fuck, if he was crying before, he was full-on sobbing now. So many emotions bubbled up in his chest and the only way he could properly filter them was through his eyes. He shifted closer to Changbin and cried into his shirt, likely ruining it but his brain cells were gone and all that was left was a full heart.

“Seungminnie,” Hyunjin said with a bit of a breathless chuckle; he had noticed how his words had affected the younger and though he was crying even more forcefully, it was amusing to see their aloof Seungminnie act so passionately after a love confession.

He eventually calmed down, though, after fifteen minutes. His cheeks were rosy and his eyes were puffy, and he was very much embarrassed in every way.

“Shit, that was-” he coughed to clear his throat, “-that was a bit much. Sorry.”

“You’re really whipped for us, huh?” Changbin said with a smirk.

“You know, hyung, you can just shut up,” Seungmin retorted, but the tint of his ears showed his true emotions. “You’re the one with the wet shirt.”

“From _your_  breakdown.”

“Proof or it didn’t happen,” he said pointedly.

“Whatever. Both of you come here so we can cuddle. It’s been a long day,” Hyunjin piped up in exasperation. He moved to the side against the wall to make room in the tiny twin size mattress.

Somehow, after careful maneuvering, all three of them managed to fit. Seungmin wouldn’t say it was like a jigsaw puzzle because one of Changbin’s legs was splayed across his stomach, and Hyunjin’s elbow was in his neck but it was them and it was warm. And really, that was all he needed after breaking down in lovesick tears. In front of his best friends that could potentially be his boyfriends now.

Suddenly, he couldn’t sleep anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave feedback and kudos! everything is appreciated :)


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